General History
Bathford was originally attempted in 1547, when 8 young men purchased the land in exchange for a talking dog called 'Yarik'. The previous owner had not purchased a talking dog, it was just a simple act of ventriloquism on the part of one of the men. It was 1547 and luckily nobody cared. Over the next year the men lived in tents constructed of condensed goat's breath (taking advantage of the coldest year never recorded) and built 12 houses. You would have expected them to be made from stone, but unfortunately mining the stone was beyond these simpletons and they used wood. It soon became clear that the settlement was useless but before it had finished rotting, the first villagers and the entire village were burnt to death by the great unexpected fire of 1548 (this was the most severe fire until the expected fire of 1837.
There was no more construction in the village until 1776 when building projects went mad, after the discovery that nobody owned the land and the area was divided up on a first come first serve basis. It may appear that some buildings are older, but this is the result of amateur building experiments by inexperienced thugs and hoodlums.
In 1906 Harold Barbrook constructed the village lockup while also building what is now the Lodge hotel. Knowing that there were no neighbours behind his new building, he constructed the rear half of the hotel from marshmallows to save money. These were purchased from Franklin Melkshot who had just achieved the Bathford free fall record having jumped from Brunel's railway bridge and cushioned his fall on the marshmallows.
In the mid seventies the owner of the lodge hotel was hit over the head by a rock that was being wielded by an escapee of the neighbouring garden. The young man was staying at Eagle House which was at the time a centre for young people in need of special help.
The Swan is a Pub further up the hill in an area called Kingsdown and was built at an uncertain time while nobody was watching. It has a piece of glass on the wall which breaks to let you know that the pub is about to leave the hillside. Queen Anne stayed at the Swan when the wheel broke on her carriage (as the road used to be the main road to London). The landlord of around 1830 (George) still keeps a job as the full time ghost.

German History
There is no reported German history at this time.

Lost Trades
We are compiling a list of lost trades of Bathford's past. This was after the discovery that it used to be possible to trade as a single woman!

Ernest Pembroke (the village murderer)
Ernest Pembroke, born 1789. Ernest was the local baker, his house is on Bathford hill, midway between the Portals turning and the Whitehaven turning. As the baker he was a trusted man in the community. On the 23rd January 1834 Ernest was returning to his bakery where he lived, on the way back he was seen meeting James Taylor who owned what is now the post office. He invited Taylor to his house, and then Taylor was not seen again. Taylor had not been the first to disappear in the village, 4 other people had also gone missing, but there was no need for concern in this quiet village for these people lives, albeit strange that they were not around. When the post office basement was searched, all of the supposed bodies were found, completely dismembered, including Taylor’s. A reconstruction of the bodies was attempted but police were baffled when a left leg and tennis elbow were left over. Also a diary was found written by Taylor telling of the plot between Pembroke and himself to kill various householders in order to buy cheap property in the village. As Pembroke had disappeared, it was believed that he had killed Taylor out of greed. Pembroke was never captured but is believed to be the ghost that haunts the Crown, while Taylor was the ghost spotted at the Post Office (at the time the pub run by Paul and Ivy Reynolds).

Had he been less drunk, he would have noticed that the inhabitants closest to Bathford were not actually humans with jumpers on, crawling on all fours, but sheep belonging to Batheaston Farmer 'Herbet Picket'. Jacob and five other men found immediate success by opening a gate and shouting at a moderate volume. The triumphant Jacob and friends followed the sheep into the road and performed a Morris dance. The road was named Morris lane and from that point onwards everything to the South East side of the road has been part of Bathford (despite the railway line being the obvious dividing point). Herbet Picket was given a clip round the ear for deception and sent on his way. It was still 1861, however this invasion was recorded later in 1870 by Jacob Killyee who was still drunk.